Two weeks ago, I stopped taking the antihypertensive drug, amlodipine, which I had been prescribed 3 months earlier for high blood pressure associated with my polycystic kidney disease. Before then, my mood had reached the point where I had once again begun to feel that the world would be better off without me. I was also exhausted, aching all over and unable to walk any distance without pain in my legs. The crunch point of realisation something was really wrong came when, on arrival in Amsterdam, one of my favourite cities in the world, there was no sense of joy or excitement at being there. All I wanted to do was sit down, drink tea and look forward to getting home.
I wouldn’t have connected the plunge in my mood with taking the medication if I hadn’t known that certain antihypertensives can cause depression. I take my pills reluctantly. I was already on one for my high blood pressure and wasn’t keen to take another. Maybe it’s my way of denying the reality of chronic physical illness. My consultant, seeing my raised bp last time we met in the clinic, fixed me with his eye and assured me, ‘most of my patients are on 2 drugs.’ I wasn’t clear whether it was a reassurance or a challenge, but I gave in – and subsequent readings improved considerably. My ankles stayed the same diameter, (‘when they put me on that I had swelling up to my knees,’ a friend had informed me over dinner in Edinburgh), and I was also curiously calmer- I had stopped worrying about my health.
I first noticed a change a few weeks later. My joints were becoming stiff as though the arthritis promised to me by my family genes had finally caught up with me. Then, while on holiday the anxiety resurfaced again- with some force. I began to worry about everyday disappointments and focus on them -blaming them for how I was feeling. Except that’s what they were. Not major life events but ripples on the surface of an otherwise much more settled flow of life than I’ve had for many years. Nothing at all in comparison with what so many people have to deal with daily- or what I’ve coped with and overcome before. I told myself I was simply jet-lagged. Only as time passed the exhaustion got worse, not better.
I have a history of recurrent depression but for the last year I’ve been ‘in remission’. There are several reasons why that might be- but one possibility is that the urinary infection which, in retrospect, had probably been there for a couple of years despite negative investigations, finally resolved after a rather grand finale performance- with copious bleeding, pain and then admission to hospital with sepsis. Since the treatment with the heavy-duty antibiotics required to save my life, those pesky unexplained symptoms have disappeared completely. My psychiatrist, who is an academic researcher in the field, thinks that the chronic inflammation caused by an infection may have had a significant impact on my mood- which was extremely fragile over the same time span, prompting some subsequent jokes about gentamicin as a cure for depression. Can bodily inflammation lead to changes in the mind? Some think so- others vehemently reject a link between mind and body in mental ill health.
Earlier this year, when my essay In Defence of the Biopsychosocial Model was published it was attacked from both sides- by the critical psychiatrists who reject the role of biology in mental illness (and suggested I had misunderstood what Engel’s model was actually about); and also by those writing in defence of people with a diagnosis of ME who reject psychosocial explanations of their illness. However, given my recent experience with the psychological side effects of medication for my blood pressure I am more than ever convinced of the importance of not separating mind and body. Was this not a ‘real’ mental experience because it was caused by blood pressure medication? It felt exactly like every other time I’ve been down, except I was also much more physically incapacitated too. But then, when I get depressed it is always an intensely bodily experience- the heaviness of limb, the feeling that there is a weight pressing down on my chest, the lack of energy and drive. Those familiar demons were all there- along with the guilt and self-reproach in spades for allowing ‘life’ to get me down again as my mind found endless problems about which to ruminate.
Except these problems were almost certainly not the cause of the depression. They were simply the foci my mind coalesced around in an attempt to make some sense of my mood. The worries have receded into the background now I’ve stopped the amlodipine. The aches and pains are disappearing gradually too. I can go for a long walk again.
But I do wonder how many other people are waiting for therapy- or working through it without benefit- while struggling along with the same kind of symptoms I experienced. Many therapists don’t pay much attention to physical health problems and medication because they are trained, and work, in our Cartesian systems where mind and body are treated separately and retain their familiar disconnection. What potentially treatable physical causes for their problems are being missed aside from the common ones most professionals know about, such as thyroid disease?
Meanwhile we all remain at risk of falling through the ever present gaps, between services and professional ideologies, as we try to retain our health and sense of wellbeing.
5 thoughts on “Defeating Descartes”
My mum’s mental health was worse whenever she had a uti. She would become confused much more easily.
I’m glad you sorted out your BP meds.
Perhaps our enthusiasm for asking other kinds of physician or clinician to pay more attention to mental health ought to be balanced with humility and acknowledgement of our responsibility as psychiatrists, therapists and mental health practitioners for our patients’ physical health?
So true. When I had a severe UTI it was initially suggested that I might like to see the psychiatrist, until they got my blood results. As a therapist I’ve seen patients with severed anxiety that clears up as soon as their thyroid problem is treated and also trauma patients who manifest noticeable physical reactions when recalling the trauma. Mind body dichotomy is a myth!
I had a heart attack just over a year ago I had treatment followed by 4-5 different medications. At first I felt better than I had felt in a long time, then I slowly started going down hill. My mood dropped and I started feeling very much like you described feeling. Didn’t want to go anywhere or mix with others. The GP told me it was common to have depression following a heart attack, although I can understand this might happen to some. I couldn’t understand as I wasn’t dwelling on what happened neither did I feel scared or anxious. Then I noticed the side effects of some of the medications, namely statins and blood pressure medication, was depression? So there are two sides of the coin here, the GP saying a heart attack causes depression (physical health) and the other, side effects of medication. But then if the medication is to blame, both indicate depression is the body’s physical reaction.
My mom had a lifetime of depression treated in Various ways but my father always knew when she wasn’t feeling well physically by a recurrence of her depression …or a change in her personality. Over years I finally came to understand the link between her physical and mental states…and came to forgive her. Every year since she was 20 she’s had a hospital stay for one reason or another. Thanks for this, Linda.